It is probably the 5hundreth time that I’m pushing my glasses back up tonight and all I can see is his hand doing it for me.  Now I’m pushing his glasses back up and he’s now smiling down at me.  He looks great in his glasses you know, he really did. 

I am convinced that this behaviour is counter-productive to my quest for Singleton status but chile…my internal movie in back on & I’m the star, just watch me…lying up on his bed in his t-shirt and his boxers with my multicoloured socks, watching some flick, holding hands with my man.  He’s given me his jumper ’cause I’m cold…

Here’s my love letter…Dear Mr Contentment, I miss you so much and I really want to marry a man with all of your qualities & much more. I really do you know.  Matter of fact I am putting it out there now-Universe my wish is your command I want to marry a man with all of the qualities that Mr Contentment possesses as well as ALL the characteristics that I have so specifically put down on my list, thank you in advance. HAHA!!!(that man is on the way-before I’m 30, thank ya kindly)

I think that I may have been exploiting him, taking his love ’cause I don’t, well I didn’t want to be alone…but I loved the way he would rub his nose with mine after kissing me or lean(should I say bend, dude is 6′2) & kiss my forehead everytime it was near his lips…it was so natural, girl my husband has gotta do that!!!

Here I am once again thinking…thinking about Mr Contentment!!!  Yeah he runs through my mind sometimes & I’m learning to live without him now. 

So I’m in the library tryna study and I’m thinking, you know, I used to love it when, he went out in the mornings to get croissants, juice and the paper, and I’d wake up to him opening the bedroom door.  Girl I even have flashbacks at this point of him kissing me as I’m waking from my slumber…now he’s staring at me again smiling when I wake up, I am still meant to be studying but I can’t help but think that I miss his five-day shadow.

I could’ve sooooo married that man and had those babies-I was Content…kissing him was amazing too, he was sooooo gentle.

Okay now, this reminiscent spin to my study rhythm is not productive at all, check me out dreaming wide awake, lying on my man’s chest & being enveloped in his strong arms.  I loved smelling him in my sheets & finding  strands of his long brown locs on my pillow or in the duvet. Ooooh chile, memories are a treasure!!!

Now me and God goin’ have ta discuss this ’cause I don’t understand why…Mr Contentment had everything on my list and he was so much more…why couldn’t I have been in love? 
 

Maybe, just maybe I might have loved him…I managed to be & stay content for more than a year…no WAIT!!! that is the loneliness talking.  The reality is that contentment was better than desolation & abandonment, I think, isn’t it? 

I’m too sad at this moment, too sad, I’m not nearly 30 but it will be arriving in due course and I’m single once more, my grandmother is telling me that she is ready to go home and doesn’t know how long the good Lord is willing to give her for her to see my wedding day.

I told Mr Contentment to go though, I did the leaving again! 
I walked away even though I promised myself never again…
I left a good man who was interested in me once again!!!  For heaven’s sake why can’t I just make something last…

it’s like a really bad love song that I can’t get out of my head. BAD BAD BAD!!! love song first it was Mr Humorous, then Mr Wonderful, later Mr Educated & now Mr Contentment.

I just don’t have the feelings, you know, that butterflies in the tummy type, that permanent smile when he walks into the room type, that I wanna get married right now & have your babies type, but then I hate the loneliness.